I’m in my late forties and am a prime target for prostate cancer. Doctors would say that once you hit 50, you are in a higher risk group. That does not mean that every male gets prostate cancer, simply that you are in a higher risk group. My dad had prostate cancer, so I’m on the target list by my doctor.

It is imperative to get checked, especially as prostate cancer was the beginning of the end for my beloved father. The time arrived where I need to get the undercarriage checked.

I have been pushing this examination out for a few years. I never felt comfortable with the fact that someone would place a finger in my butt hole and squeeze with other fingers to check if I had prostate cancer. Surely there are other more modern and less invasive methods for checking for prostate cancer.

Google has not been kind either. I’ve spent many hours googling ‘prostate cancer exam’ to understand better what the exam actually is and how long it takes, secretly hoping for some alternative approach to this exam. Surely there must be some kinky DIY prostate testing home kit, but I have not found it yet.

Using telehealth for your prostate cancer checks are NOT suitable.

With no options available, I confronted my primary doctor, asking her for advice. Perhaps not the easiest conversation starter during a regular health check, but I’m fairly sure she has had that conversation with other male patients.

It’s a bit like starting the flower and the bee conversation with your children. It’s awkward and a little embracing, to say the least. You don’t start a conversation “yo, doctor, could you stick your finger in my butt and check my glands?!”

You gotta ease into the topic, casually asking about other checks one needs to do at my age, and let the doctor go down that path themselves, suggesting the prostate exam. Heck, I’m not going to offer up a personal violation of my inner space and bend over that easy.

There are not many men who seem to dare to talk about the breach of the personal space exam. We are too proud to discuss anything below the belt unless we are drunk and talking about our male advantages.

The exam room

I arrived ahead of the scheduled time for my exam. It is an odd thought that I actually book a time to get my rear end examined. It is a very standard procedure that men should get done annually. At one point, some might even enjoy this experience. We all have our kinky side.

The gentle slap of plastic against his skin on his hands indicates my doctor is getting ready and putting on his latex skin-tight gloves – ready to enter!

I felt violated, and I now know what it must feel like to be the new guy in prison!

It was hard to tell if the doctor used his finger or fingers, but at least he did not place both hands on my shoulders as he examined my prostate. He should have cut his nails down slightly!

Part of me is relieved that the doctor did not put on Barry White to distract me from the actual procedure.

I probably should not accept my doctor’s Facebook friend request. The relationship needs to stay professional, and I have no intention of sharing more of my life with my doctor. There are boundaries, and one of these has been crossed.

I can never look at my doctor the same way again. We have a strange bond. My doctor has seen parts of me that no person should ever witness. It is truly a frightening experience, yet strangely relieved that I got the all-clear from below!

Why do we get prostate cancer?

According to my friends over at the Mayo Clinic, there are some DNA changes in the cells in the prostate gland, which may result in cancer as some cells die. It also shows that we all have DNA mutations and that Dr. Xavier was right. Mutations happen in short timeframes.

Can it be avoided?

Not guaranteed. It all depends on your exercise levels, healthy diet, family history. If your dad or other males in your family had prostate cancer, then your risks are higher. I’m in that category.

Some scholars have tested whether you can prevent prostate cancer if you increase your ejaculation levels and stay sexually active. Unfortunately, that has not been proven, although there is a slight chance that it may prevent it … keep active, my friends! There’s a chance (minimal) to prevent prostate cancer from entering your life. We should not let this chance slip away!

Is getting a prostate exam considered cheating on your wife?!

I have some many questions about your experience, and wonder if you are comfortable sharing? Any advice to a virgin prostate examination dude; one dude to another?

• Have you ever had a prostate exam and did you feel comfortable during (and after) the procedure?
• Do you shower the night before or the morning of the screening?
• Do you manscape?
• How long is the procedure?
• Do you fast, just in case you gotta go?
• I assume coffee is to be avoided given its laxative abilities?