Shotgun & Smartphone

guns-and-dadsI can’t believe how time flies.  It seems like yesterday when my lovely daughter turned five and hugged my knees.  She couldn’t reach much higher at that point, but it was a full tiny bear hug.

Now she has started middle school, purple braces, small purse and conscious about her appearance.  She has to look sharp in the morning, and as a result she now spends most part of 40 minutes in the bathroom before running down the stairs and out the door to catch the school bus.

Joining the middle school also opens up the possibilities of joining a huge variety of clubs. And of course, my little girl wants to join the jazz band, and also made it to the swim team.

Unfortunately this means that she will stay after school at times, to practice with the band, and some evenings to practice with her swimming technique.  And, not to mention her staying late on Thursdays to participate in math club.

The school has, and rightfully so, a strict policy on using mobile phones during school hours.  To be honest, I think it’s brilliant and kids should not need to chat, update Facebook, play games or call each other while in school.

However, as a parent, I want to be able to reach her, and I want her to contact us if her plans changes.

So, I succumbed and hooked her iPhone up with a SIM card.  But, we also enabled AT&T Smart Limits for her new phone number, so we can monitor her account.  It gives a little more control, but I still can’t prevent her from talking to boys.  With a SIM enabled iPhone, this could quickly escalate and the only way around this is to enroll her in the local convent.

But, I’m a modern man and father, so I simply have to monitor emails closer and introduce my Remington shotgun in case a boy stands on the porch one day serenading my daughter.  Not that I mean much harm, but I will explain some basic science to him.

"You can run fast son, but my shotgun shells will run faster"

before-you-date-my-daughter-shirt-previewI can’t help being over-protective of my daughters.  If any boy wants to take her to the movies, then he has to consider the consequences if he makes her upset.  It’ll take about 3-5 years to gain my trust, and I will be chaperoning (under cover of course) the first 25 dates.  He will know true fear if I catch him doing something inappropriate.

So, dear future-son-in-law, consider your plans and your future wisely.  If you hurt my little girl in any shape or form, know this (famous Liam Neeson lines)

"I will find you and I will hurt you!"


A protective father

PS – I know how to track your activities and locations on the internet.  I have a massive garden and live in the mountains.  I believe in the 1st amendment and have recently started trap shooting – the odds are against you 🙂

One comment

  1. Hey Judgebrix, my old friend. I too feel this pain and anxiety especially as I recall my own youth, and the intentions and expectations every young man feels. In those days people often said to me “hey you, get out of my garden” and “whatever you are thinking of doing to my daughter, I will do to you” ha ha how we laughed and I cried and even a little pee came out. But now we are on the receiving end and we must protect our family and ensure that no harm comes to them. But how do we do this and still allow them to grow as people, to respect their choices and instill a sense of self respect and confidence? ??? We do it quickly, quietly behind their backs and destroy all evidence. Good luck my friend and call me if you need someone with a large trunk and a shovel.

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