Always Living in Fear

Before this incident, I was living happily, enjoying food, life, friends, family, traveling, concerts, drinking … everything about a normal life.

Sure I had moments when I was scared that my kids would get injured or some twat would hit the car, or worse, some fanatic would cause violence to my loved ones.  But, I was very content and happy.

Even when my heart started to send me signals that all was not ok, I was optimistic and preparing for 1-2 weeks of antibiotics.  It was “just’ a cold or at worse pneumonia.

As we know now, it was something more sinister and even mortal.  My heart was weakened significantly by a viral infection, and I was in a bad state according to my cardiologist when he sent me straight to ER.

Ever since that day, and the week in the hospital, I have grown much more fragile and concerned.  I start looking at body signals differently and start to imagine events that may never happen.  It’s covered in more details in my posts about anxiety and PTSD.

I feel I live in fear for a relapse or for some other illness to strike me down.

During the month of October, I was scared of falling asleep and not waking up.  The slightest change in my blood pressure or heartbeats would set my mind racing.

What can we do to overcome these fears?

Counseling is one avenue and something that I’m actively kicking off.  I know I have to deal with my demons and the fact that I was close to the pearly gates.  I’m still not out of the woods, but I’m so much stronger mentally and physically.

I’m really nervous about the prospect of flying anywhere.  Flying is part of my job, so I have to deal with that fear, and I will beat it.

As I become stronger physically, this fear has been overshadowed by positive thoughts, but fear is still lingering.  It will be a long journey to fully recover.

  • Are you scared?
  • How long time after your incident where you living in fear?
  • Still living in fear?
  • How are you dealing with fear?


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