Almost two decades ago, I would have proudly stated that I would be able to kick your butt in most computer first person shooter games, and perhaps one or two PS2 games. My fingers knew every key and command with high precision and my strategy was flawless … most of the time at least.  I spend many hours perfecting my moves and as I demolished to opposing forces, I consumed barrels of coffee while smoking a pack of Marlboro.

Fast forward to today and I a useless case of computer games.  Well, perhaps not useless, just not in tune with the games and time is no longer available to spend in front of the computer or the latest console.

But, that doesn’t bother me a bit.  In fact, I enjoy crawling on my knees building amazing Lego villages, doing some sword fight with evil emperors or setting up the garden fortress for the kids, and then do a bit of cooking for the family.

It’s awesome being a dad.  I can play again without people looking strangely at me.  And, when I talk to other dads, we compare ideas on how to create cool constructions and other excellent toys we could test.

The only thing that really frustrate me with my drop in computer gaming skills is that my daughter (who is nine years old) is starting to kick my butt in most games.  She knows all the secret areas to find bonus fill-ups and has the controller skills down to an art form.

If we play a fighting game on the Xbox, like Tekken, then she wallop my player as if I was standing still.  I frantically hit all possible buttons to provide some resistance, but I honestly have no idea how to make any cool moves with my guy.  He just jumps on the same spot, do 1-2 strange punches and then I get creamed by some super awesome power punch that sends me flying across the screen.

Meanwhile I obviously pretend that I suck, so my daughter gets really prod when beating me.  I pretend to her (and my wife) that I let her win, but in reality I’m getting my arse kicked by a minor.

I’ve even started to practice in secret by buying more challenging games such as ‘Dead Rising” and “Call of Duty” just to re-train my fingers to become awesome tools of the gaming trade.  However, my lack of understanding of the new controllers and the complexity of the games, makes we a shite soldier.  Thankfully no real life fellow soldiers depend on me while in combat, as the only thing my character is awesome at is twirling!

But, none of this has helped me in my struggles with “Xbox Sports“, “Tekken” and “Rayman“.  My nine year old daughter keeps annihilating me, rolls her eyes due to my awkwardness and even laughs when I constantly jumps and falls with my character.

At this point in my gaming career I’m starting to challenge my son at Elmo singing or my three year old at cave man drawings on the walls.  I have few chances of ever getting better at games than my three kids, so I have to pick my battles wisely.

I’m doomed and a gaming drop-out!