Receiving unsolicited email and phone calls, not to mention letters in the standard snail mail, is becoming an all too accepted norm.  I receive several of these daily, but most of them are easy to deal with; highlight delete or bin the letter.

The worst once are the phone calls. And, getting rid of these unsolicited callers becomes challenging, as I’m a fairly polite young man that cannot hang up without being nice about it.  Granted, I’m also known for being foulmouthed, stating things as I see them and using at times offensive language.  I blame my Irish roots for that, but will not change who I am!  It’s part of my Irish/Danish charming personality 🙂

Anyway, I recently had about 5 missed calls on my office phone, in one day, so whoever was trying to reach me desperately needed to talk to me.  I even noted down the number and was meaning to call them back – it had to be important.

The phone rang again this morning, which just happen to be at a time where I actually had time to pick it up, albeit I was chewing my bagel of course and had to flush quickly with scolding hot coffee.  I must have let out a minor yelp of pain, as the guy at the other end asked with a confused tone “Excuse me sir!“.

Mr. X who greeted very politely kicked into overdrive within a few seconds along these lines;

“My name is Mr. X, and I am calling you from Madison Who is Who.  Let me be the first to congratulate your nomination for Madison Who is Who 2013 Honors Edition.  Our team of researchers has reviewed your accomplishments and would find it a great honor to include you in our directory.  After your acceptance into Madison Who is Who Registry, you will be part of a network of professionals and distinguished individuals who stand out in their respective fields“.

I must admit, I was honored myself and delighted that I had been nominated, but I had absolutely no idea who Madison was!  Nevertheless, Mr. X continued is tirade of sales techniques and went on saying;

“As part of your membership, you will be eligible to be published in our online registry as well as physically published directories.  Your biography will be available to other professionals around the world to view. This is an excellent networking tool.  And, I will even got a biography created for the Madison Newsletter, allowing other professionals to see your profile and make contact with you“.

Needless to say, I was speechless that someone had recognized my awesome skills and had determined that I should be nominated for such an awesome directory.  But, I still hadn’t a clue about who Madison were and wasn’t prepared to become a member.

The young man then asked me to explain how I had become so accomplished in my field,  what my core achievements were, what my views on life are, who would win the super bowl and if Gandhi really wore a toga etc. etc.  Gobsmacked about all these wonderful questions, I stuttered a bit and gave him some fluffy answers, but I still felt a bit uncomfortable about it.

He went on to ask “Will you be using your membership for networking or credibility?”

WTF?!  Where did this come from.  And, suddenly Mr. X started to rant off some excellent offers, each of them with even more amazing benefits; 1 year, 5 year and lifetime membership … and if I signed up today I would even get two flight tickets to Grand Island in Nebraska, for their wonderful cultural festival.

Again, I was utterly amazed about the abundance of extra gifts, however bemused that Grand Island even have a cultural festival! Then again, I wasn’t quit prepared to invest $800 in a membership with Madison Who is Who and kindly told Mr. X thanks, but no thanks.

I’m not too sure he even heard me, or understands what NO means, as his rant continued and suddenly he started to offer me further deals of a promotional 3 year membership just for me, with all the benefits of the lifetime membership. I reiterated my stance and kindly declined his excellent offers, but he didn’t listen, so I then turned on my Irish/Danish charm, and gave Mr. X an ultimatum.

I clearly stated that the fecker wasn’t listening to me and that I was not interested. He had three (3) seconds to conclude his business or I would hang up.

Mr. X’s persistence was to be applauded, as his rant continued.  He continued talking as the headset got closer and closer to the phone.  He probably didn’t even notice or care that I had ended the conversation.

Mr. X was a shark looking for his next victim – which reminds of Shark Week on Discovery Channel!

For me it smelt and sounded too much like a scam.  If you get caught in the net, please use common sense and don’t just jump blindly into the shark’s mega mouth.  There are much better ways of spending $800 than giving it to these guys.

Their intentions might be genuine, but I felt a tingle in my left arse cheek and disconnected.

Who am I to judge Madison Who is Who anyway!  You decide.