Will the real Dennis the Menace stand up!

Throughout my childhood, my parents often compared me with Dennis the Menace.  I’m honestly not too sure why, but it apparently had something to do with all the (according to my parents) mischievous acts I carried out; shooting people with my suction cup gun, tying the family dog to my bicycle while riding it, diving into the nearest mud pool, pulling up plants and “borrowing” tools from the neighbour’s toolboxes.

I remember my mum often telling me that one day I would have a child of my own that would make my menacing efforts appear like kindergarten games, to which I laughed.  Me having kids?  What a preposterous idea!  My mum was clearly hallucinating … at least so I thought back then when i was still a child myself.

In fairness, I had only just begun to scratch the surface on my magical abilities to upset my parents throughout the day, and when the least expected it.

Fast forward 30 years and I’m now a proud parent of three wonderful kids.  Each of these kids have developed amazing abilities themselves when it comes to challenging my parental patience levels – but I obviously love each of them tremendously.

HOWEVER, the youngest child is the pure reincarnation of Dennis the Menace himself.  I would at times go a little further and state that she might be possessed by a teasing spirit – an entity that has one single purpose and that is to seriously test our boundaries.

  • Picasso; she draws on everything using crayons, makers, pens, charcoal, etc.  The cavemen would’ve been amazed by her abilities to paint daily stories on the walls, and perhaps someday archaeologists will find this house and decipher her drawings as something truly amazing.  I do not share or support that theory.
  • Hurricane; most of these storms have caused immense havoc on communities and countries.  My daughter deserves to get a hurricane named after her.  I know of no other child that can make a room look like it was hit by a natural disaster.  Yes, kids can be messy, but this little monster can do this in seconds.  One minute the room is neat and within seconds I can’t see the floor or furniture.
  • T-rex; she tends to attempt to bite anything that moves or not, simply to see how it reacts to her developing canines.  This would often involve her sister and brother, and my chest!  We have bite marks on most wooden surfaces and the local swimming pool has her impressions on most floatable foam devices.
  • Colt Seavers; she climbs anything taller than 2 inches, jumps off her chair, pretends to be a kangaroo on the stairs, challenges the family St Bernard for her food and managed to climb out of her highchair at the age of 12 months.
  • Dog; beside challenging the family pet for her food, she will often imitate her canine friends by crawling around on all fours.  She will eat food like dogs (i.e. no hands), pick up branches with her teeth and run after balls in the garden.
  • Fainting; when she doesn’t get her way she does one of two thing  1) she starts crying/screaming or 2) she “faints” and lies flat for a minimum of 18 seconds … and it doesn’t matter where we are or if it’s wet on the ground!

The scary bit is that she’s only 3 years old!

What will the world be like in a few years when she’s discovered other ways of testing her surroundings?  Or should I say, what my nerves be like when she’s 4 years old?

I love her to bits, but I do wonder about my sanity at times.


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