My son has a way with women…

…ways that some men would only dream off.  And what’s even better (or more scary) is that he’s only 4 years old, so he’ll get away with most advancements, no matter how direct these advancements might be.

From an early age, my son has been a little Don Juan and has been able to get women to hug ‘n hold him – and most likely kiss him too.  He’s a little charmer and he knows it.  He doesn’t have to ask them, it just happens naturally.

A few songs that you should have playing in the background, while reading this blog, are:

  • “You’ll Never Find Another Love Like Mine” – Lou Rawls
  • “To All the Girls I’ve Loved Before” – Julio Iglesias and Willie Nelson
  • “Love in an Elevator” – Aerosmith
  • “Can’t Get Enough of Your Love Baby” – Barry White
  • “Jai Ho” – Pussycat Dolls

It all started when my wife was breastfeeding him.  He would eat from one breast while holding on tight to the other breast, this despite being held/supported by my wife.  There was absolutely no need to hold on to the other breast, but because he was a baby, he would get away with it.  I guess that he didn’t want his food source to leave, which is a natural instinct, but we should have read the warning signs earlier.

As he grew stronger and bigger, he developed his skills further, much to my amazement.

The early warning signs, when a woman holds him, are that he would slowly move one of his hands towards her shoulder – which is a normal move by men, mostly practised in the cinema on the first date – and he has no preferences as to which hand to use.  But, he doesn’t stop there.

Within seconds, he pretends his hand falls asleep and it would gradually begin to slide down towards the woman’s cleavage or the shirt’s neck opening.  All this happens while he looks and smiles at his victim.  She has no idea what’s coming next.

In a flash, his hands slips down to the woman’s breasts and grabs hold of his trophy, while she gasps in surprise.  He gets under the bra no bother.  BUT, the woman just smiles and lets him continue…and he smiles too, my little dude.

You can imagine how embarrassing this is, when he is with strangers or people we’ve just met, such as his teachers, doctors and our friends.  The weirdest thing is that, when we try to remove him and apologises, the women just say that it doesn’t matter and keep holding him.  He winks and smiles to us – victory.

Last year, when he met his new home (female) teacher, they both sat on the floor talking.  My wife was sitting in a chair next to them.  He slowly crawled towards the teacher and moved up to sit on her lap.  I’m not joking, but within 14 seconds, he had unbuttoned the buttons on her shirt and placed his hand on her breast.  She was slightly shocked to say the least and quickly buttoned the shirt again.  My wife was mortified.

As the late Robert Palmer would sing…”Simply Irresistible”.  That’s the phrase that comes into mind when my son meets women.  He’s like a magnet for women, no matter their age.  And the funny bit is that he knows it and thrives on it.  Sometimes, he would even hit himself, faking to cry, only to get their attention – and it works every time.

My wife took the kids to Spain a couple of years ago, and brought them with her to the hairdresser.  Within a very short period of time, we’re talking minutes here, he was surrounded by at least 5 women, all hugging and kissing him.  One woman even suggested that she could babysit him, while my wife went shopping – my wife had never met that woman before, so she kindly declined the offer.

On our holiday to the Dominican Republic in 2006, at the age of only 18 months, he had at least 5 female waitresses at his command.  As soon as we entered the restaurant for breakfast, 2-3 female waitresses rushed over, grabbed him and then showed us to our table.  These women would sometimes even get into small cat fights about who’s turn it was to hold him, much to the amusement of both me and my son.  They would bring him his food and sometimes even hold his glass while he was drinking his juice.  There was one particular girl that he really liked, and she liked him too as he looked like her own son.  She would pick him up all the time and hug him.  She would almost stalk us simply to hold and play with him.  Once we were sitting in one of the hotel restaurants, having dinner, and she would appear out of nowhere, only to give him a few kisses and then leave.  Of course he loved the attention and used this attention to get top class service.

This behaviour from females is a normal occurrence when we’ve travelled to Mexico, Atlanta, Madrid and Costa Rica, with no exception.  All I get is slaps from these women (and of course from my dear wife too) if I try the same techniques – where’s the justice in that?  I cannot spot any particular trend in women that he is more attracted to, it is just women in general, but his favourites are South American women – just like dad’s favourite woman (my wife in case you wondered).

If my son is approached by a man, he couldn’t care less as to what he did or bribed him with, in order to talk to him.  He might even push the guy away or just give him the stare of a 1000 yards (normally something soldiers get when they’ve been in fierce combat).  It is as if he says “What do you want from me?  You are not worthy!”.  This change in attitude only happens when away from the house (home).

During a recent hospital visit, as my son had developed a nasty cough and needed treatment, the doctor was female.  Having coughed for hours and being weak, he recovered fairly rapidly as she started to examine him.  While she was listening to his lungs on his back, leaning over him, his hand was already moving towards his target.  I recognised the ninja style he used and attempted to interfere, only to touch the doctor’s breast – the horror in her eyes – but I quickly assured her that I was just trying to hold my son’s hand – phew!  A few seconds later, he clapped her butt instead, but this time she saw it and simply smiled to him.

Some weeks ago, my wife took him to a regular check-up in the hospital, and like any hospital, they had to wait for a couple of hours.  If there’s something my son hates, then it’s waiting and being stuck in the same location for more than 30 minutes (or less).  So, he screamed, kicked and cried to get out of there, like any boy would.

Finally, it was their turn.  My wife was trying to drag him to the doctor’s office, while his fingers were locked into the nearest wall.  As soon as he saw it was yet another female doctor, he let go instantly and smiled at the doctor – a little angel!  He couldn’t take his eyes off her and my wife noticed this.  She asked him quietly in Spanish what was up, and he replied in Spanish, with the biggest smile, “es bonita”. (she’s pretty)  What he didn’t know was that the doctor understood Spanish, but as soon as she thanked him for the compliment as she understood Spanish, his smile increased to cover his entire face.  He blushed and couldn’t stop giggling. He was in love.

I have lost count of the many women he has pinched, grabbed, kissed, hugged, wiggled his eyebrows to and butt slapped.  He’s only 4 years old, so both my wife and I are worried (not really..) what is going to happen as he gets bigger.  How long will women think this is cute?  At some point, he will get a wake-up call in the form of a hard slap over the face, but somehow I doubt it.  He can melt any woman’s heart with his eyes and smile – or so I have been told by the girls who have experienced his moves.

As a father, I watch with amazement the techniques my son has developed and wonder who taught him these brilliant and dangerous moves.  My son is growing up.  I’m so proud of him. 🙂


Leave a Reply