Old man’s glasses can be cool too

Spectacles, a cool invention that was probably made by a Venetian glassblower in the 14th century. They created optical lenses from glass and fitted them into horn-rim frames. Initially, glasses balanced on the nose. They later became known as spectacles, when the lenses were connected to arms hanging over the ears.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having glasses. People look more secure, mature, and many radiate knowledge. It gives you powers!

Powers just like our favorite caped superhero Superman. He magically changes appearance and blends in simply by placing a cool set of spectacles on his nose. I’m still baffled as to how people could not tell it was the same person. The deceptive powers of glasses!

My three girls in my family have glasses; my wife and both daughters. The blurriness level without glasses varies. Without glasses, their eyesight is equivalent to a mole, a bat, and a Rhinoceroses – in that order. With glasses, these ladies do miracles; they fly through books and excel academically.

That’s not saying they are not special without glasses, but merely that glasses give them incredible powers.

For decades, I have proudly left my optometrist with a verdict of 20/20 vision. Excellent eyesight, according to my eye doctor. It was like leaving the dentist being told “no cavities.” A big happy smile occupied my face. It was a sense of accomplishment and delight. Unfortunately, I no longer get a little award for zero cavities or a 20/20 eye test.

I have worked in front of computer screens for almost 25 years now, and I’m fairly certain that the radioactive glares and intergalactic rays can damage the eyes. My mother was right when she said that starring at the screen (TV or computer) would have a long-lasting negative effect on your eyes.

While I have scored a perfect 20/20, I have also noticed a slight deterioration of my ability to read small text on food packaging, medicine bottles, and even the text on my iPhone 11 Pro Max has tendencies to get a little blurry. It takes a few extra seconds for my eyes to adjust and focus on the letters, and then I can read it fine.

On my last visit, my optometrist suggested that I consider getting some reading glasses, some special filters to block out the bad rays from the screen, and help my eyes relax more.

Special glasses for a special person, so I could look more mature and intelligent. Looks can be deceiving.

Perhaps a little too proud, I kindly declined her offer, as I have a 20/20 vision. Why would I need superman spectacles? In my mind, I’m not old enough to get reading glasses. That’s something my dad got a few years before he retired. Surely I can suffer a few more years with 20/20.

Caught in the act!

A couple of months went by. My eyes felt OK. Reading the fine print hadn’t really improved, which was something that started to bother me. Until one fateful Sunday morning when I had to read the fine print on a vitamin bottle.

Seriously, if you have to write so much detail on vitamins that you run out of label space and then reduce the font size to negative four (-4), you might want to reconsider if your product is no longer safe to digest.

There are so many ingredients in products today that we have to wonder what we are digesting. The warnings and instructions are equivalent to a chapter in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy!

I got called out by two girls as I was squinting at the label and using a flashlight to illuminate the letters. They burst out laughing and pointed fingers at their old dad! Screams echoed through the house, much to my wife’s amusement, who ran into the kitchen with her phone ready to snap a picture. The evil has no limit, as they wanted to post the “event” to their Facebook and Instagram followers … mainly family.

The very next day, I went to my optometrist and ordered my reading glasses, with all the upgrades to protect my eyes from evil rays and glares. My spectacles are almost as advanced as Ethan Hunt’s in Mission Impossible. Well, except they don’t broadcast or record video.

Do I look as cool as Superman and Ethan Hunt? Absolutely not, but I might have gained a little more maturity when sitting in my office, reading and writing.

It sucks getting older, but I love it! Soon I can fart in public without anybody getting offended.

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