Jekyll & Hyde

jekyllandhydeThe tale about Jekyll & Hyde is a fiction about the inner struggles of a brilliant doctor, and his evil split personality.  Who controlled who?  Who made who?

The kind doctor (Dr. Jekyll) would be doing his daily work in the 1800s, science and doctor stuff.  His evil minded personality (Mr. Hyde) would at times erupt as a vicious monster and cause devastation and fear.

We all face our own Jekyll & Hyde.  Perhaps not to the levels in the fiction, but we have our demons and challenges.

Ever since I was a kid playing badminton, I had a high temper.  I would smash my racket into the ground, smashing it, simply because I lost a game.  I was furious with myself and my rage would win, and I would lose the game.

My dad, amazingly calm, would shake his head and simply explain that I lost to myself.  He was of course upset I had broken yet another racket, but disappointed that I lost a game I would’ve won, if it wasn’t for Hyde.  A statement I never understood as a kid.

I will not bore you with my life tale of anger management, or lack thereof, but let’s just say that I’ve had a temper for a long time.  Let me also be clear, I’m not violent and never hit people.  I just have a foul language, very foul, and say hurtful things.  I might break the thing I’m trying to fix if something doesn’t fit together well 🙂

When I met my wife, a South American feisty beauty, we managed to calm down Mr Hyde.  He was tempted to emerge many times, of the kids tested our sanity when playing with flour, but I had learned to control these moments.

But, I’ve always been known for saying things as I see them, and yes I use colorful language.  But, I mean no offence most of the time.  There are of course incidents where people do deserve a little tirade, if they act like dumb-asses.

However, the introduction of medication in my life has some unwanted side effects.

The smallest thing can suddenly trigger my Turrets, and I would yell at the kids for absolutely no reason.  Well, there’s of course an event that triggers some utterings, but I’m immediately ashamed as I know I lost my cool.  I just can’t control me feelings / emotions at times, and that really sucks.

Other times I burst into tears and sadness.  Might be watching a silly commercial or remember something that happened years ago, telling someone about my heart incident, or just hugging my wife.  Again, I just can’t control my emotions.

My doctor, and fellow heart warriors, have shared similar experiences. Heart patients have tendencies to lose control a little of their emotions, so I can only assume that it is related to changes in the heart and medication.

If I have offended anyone with my foul language in recent months, I’m truly sorry.

I’m working on re-calibrating my emotions and may suffer a few glitches 🙂

Have you had similar experiences?

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