I’m too young to die and too young to even being considered a high risk person, and I had not anticipated being faced with my own mortality at this phase in my life. With this recent life experience, I was coming face-to-face with death – too close.
My life should evolve around my family, seeing the kids grow up, attend sports events, camping, Christmas joys, holidays, teenage years, having out with friends, tailgating, concerts … anything that resembles a normal life.
Death is something that we normally encounter with older people. It is an event where we celebrate the life of a loved one, but not an event we should encounter with kids and young people.
So, when you get close to death, your life perspective changes. At least mine did. I got scared (rightfully).
I cried when lying in the hospital, all alone, thinking about my lovely kids and beautiful wife. If was bad thoughts and focused mainly on ‘what if’ scenarios and not what the positive moments. In the midst of these dark hours, it was all I could think of.
I guess that being confined to a bed in cardio ICU does this to your mind. It gives you time to ponder. The bed was even alive, massaging muscles to help with being lying down 22 hours a day., and the nurses made sure that I could not get around – also due to the fact that I wires connected to various parts of my body.
I firmly believe that such a setup allows your brain to think up worst cases.
I really did not want to have a date with the Grim Reaper. He’s an arse and meeting him would be ruin all the plans I had in mind for my family.
It also becomes a little more nerve-racking when the resident priest to offer me a blessing and oils. That in itself caused my blood pressure to go up, but I accepted the host and received a blessing. I took this as a sign and went towards my spiritual side. I had to put my faith in Jesus and ask him for help.
Let me be clear, it does not mean I’m a new found Christian, but it just means that I got closer to my spiritual side. Putting my faith and hopes in the Lord helped me move forward. Accepting that death is part of everyone’s path is the beginning to accepting and healing.
It made me determined to beat cardiomyopathy, and it would only be possible with faith and positive thoughts.
Although my mortality came to my door, I chose not to open and let it into my life. I made a conscious choice to beat this.
There would be more trials for me, where I would be tempted by the dark side and where my thoughts would attempt to trick me into thinking that I was running out of time. This is not the case.
I have Jesus and my family on my side!