I always try to buy something for my wife and kids, when away either on business or going home to meet the family + friends. Some would probably call it a bribe to ensure that your wife still loves you and that your kids will hug you when you return home. They know they get something. I hate buying sweets, mainly because I end up eating most of the stuff anyway and I forget to exercise, which normally results in me wearing a few extra rings around the middle. And, believe it or not, our kids actually don’t like sweets, e.g. chocolate, drops, etc. So, this makes it extremely silly of me to buy sweets for the family.
Last year, when going to Frankfurt on a training course, I found this lovely clock for my daughter. Back then, she didn’t know how to tell the time, but there was something cool about having a clock in your bedroom. We didn’t install batteries either, primarily because we didn’t have any batteries.
Anyway, during our daughter’s recent room make-over, I decided to surprise her by installing batteries in the alarm clock. Was it a wise idea? No!
A few days later I was dreaming being somewhere in Narnia or Middle Earth, fighting giant Playmobil and Lego armies, when I suddenly heard a bell chime in a distance. These bells didn’t belong in Narnia or Middle Earth. I was slowly being dragged out of my dreams, back to reality. It was an alarm clock, informing the family that we had to get up.
But, I was the only person who heard this beeping sound. It was still pitch black outside, and inside. I could hear my daughter faintly crying for help, so I woke up. I had to rescue her. So, I got out of bed and stumbled my way through toys, shoes and clothes, towards the annoying sound. There’s nothing more annoying than hearing a sound and not being able to stop it. The sound came from our daughter’s bedroom.
Along the way I bumped my toe on the corner of the door. In order to avoid screaming out in pain, I quickly put a towel in my mouth (I thought) and continued towards the sound on my knees. The “towel” was in fact a pair of dirty boxer shorts, leaving me with a weird taste in my mouth. We have wooden floors, so by the time I arrived at the source of the sound, my knees were bleeding.
I found the fecking clock – the nice alarm clock I had given my daughter, which she was so proud of. My daughter was sitting with the alarm clock in her hands, and when she saw me she said “Dad, the alarm clock works. This is brilliant! Thanks”. I could see her white teeth in the darkness and hear that she was extremely happy. I took the alarm clock away to turn it off, but I just didn’t know how to turn it off. Left with no choice, I ripped out the batteries and the house went silent again. I could only hear the deep breathing of our kids, my wife’s snoring and the 3 dogs farting. Yes, my daughter had fallen asleep again, within seconds of turning off the alarm.
Limping back to my bad, I glanced at my own alarm clock and discovered that it was only 04.30 in the morning! Still another few hours to sleep, but would I be able to find my way back to Middle Earth?
Sleep tight everybody
– Judgebrix the Ugly Morning Fecker Ogre