A few months back I visited the local jaw breaker to get the old teeth re-assessed; especially considering I hadn’t seen the dentist for a few years.  During that particular session, the male oral hygienist (torture master) found a small cavity which was in need of some drilling + filling.

Like any other medical office, booking a follow-up visit within a short time frame of the original visit is not easy and I had to settle with an appointment a couple months later.

That date had suddenly arrived and I found myself in the waiting room of this “awful” place.  Not awful as in scary and ugly interior, but awful because they carry out acts of pain that some shady parts of the Government would pay top dollar to master.

The dentist always reminds of the ‘Marathon Man‘ and I have some pretty horrific childhood experiences with some elderly dentist, who were suffering from the shakes which can be devastating on a 10 year old kid’s gums.

Soon after arriving I was called into the sterile workshop, with a leather covered chair, mood candles and relaxing music.  Hammer ‘n Chisel time!

The female oral hygienist calmly placed the oversized adult bib on my chest and gently opened my mouth to get a closer look at the ‘problem’.

As per normal procedure, I thought, she inserted a small piece of cotton with some cream, on my gums around the area of interest.  Naively I asked what she was plotting, as she was removing the cotton again and I was licking the area with the tip of my tongue, and she replied that she was merely numbing the area.

I never get numbing when getting dental work, but she told me that this is standard procedure these days.  The last time I had numbing was when I was 10!

When I asked if I should avoid licking the area, she laughed and said yes.  Within a few more seconds the tip of my tongue was getting numb, and my right face was starting to get fairly senseless too.  Oh dear!

Loco Dentist
Loco Dentist

Then the drilling started.  And, as with all dental visits, the amount of tools you have to have inserted into your gob is amazing, and the dentist still wonders why you can’t answer her simple questions and why my tongue is constantly trying to push her out of that area.  Not to forget the fact that the miniature vacuum cleaner ensured that my mouth was dry as the Sahara desert while all my pores were silently screaming for water.

Another scary moment is when the dentist giggles nervously when trying to say that the cavity is much bigger than anticipated, so she would have to go deeper with her bone crushing drills.

I honestly don’t mind being worked over by the dentist.  It must be some ancient viking fetish or lack of pain in my teeth, but the constant vibrations resonating into my skull is the worst bit.

The most embarrassing moment is when the dentist said I was done and I calmly attempted to wash out my mouth.  Due to the fecking numbing, the water was seeping out  leaving a trail of liquid down my shirt.  And, with my tongue somewhat numb as well, I couldn’t even proclaim my gratitude without drooling and lisping.

40 minutes after arriving I was standing at the reception desk again, this time attempting to pay for my 25 minutes of torture.  The dentist strongly advised me not to eat until the numbing had gone away, so I had to drink instead.  Being half Irish I can live with that diet 🙂

On the way home it suddenly struck me “am I actually allowed to drive while my face is numb?  Would this impair my already shitty driving skills?  Would the local sheriff accept my facial expression or feel threatened by my weird drooling?”

Anyway, I made it home safely.  Gave my wife a gentle kiss, followed by involuntarily drooling and served food to my kids.  At least the cavity is filled and I don’t have to go back for another 6-7 months.

Welcome to my new cavity filling!

Leave a Reply