Perhaps it’s just sign of old age, but my old trusted El Camino is displaying some strange behaviors.  This has mainly started in recent days after with weather going from mild to feckin’ freezing.  So, it’s probably not surprising that the ‘Beast’ is showing signs of weaknesses, and I probably shouldn’t expect the ‘Beast’ to be similar to brand new trucks that starts with no problem.

I too, with my age creeping upwards although I still look fantastic, am feeling and hearing my body making creaking sounds.  Some joints are not as quick to respond and it’s darn difficult getting kick-started these days.

Actually, many of the symptoms are found in ageing men as well – I’m by no means comparing myself to my car, and I’m ageing gracefully; I can’t say the same for my car.  But, it’s still interesting to see the similarities between man and car, and how they effect our respective bodies.

Wind of Change – no, it’s not the old Scorpions song, but merely the effect that the elements has on our bodies.  The human body seems to handle this a little better, given we have the opportunity to dry ourselves, use lotions and other effects to take care of our skin – some extreme pampering will certainly do your body good, but might land you in some extreme bullying among your mates.  On the contrary, cars relies heavily on humans to maintain the body.  Again, this seems to be one of the male talking points, as to how well they care for their car.

Don’t get me wrong, but just like I’m not interested in wiping water off another mans body parts, I’m not interested in wiping my car down after every ride.

My car, the Beast, is well looked after, but does not grace gratefully.  In fact, it has several areas that have been slightly affected by the elements.  That said, it’s a Beast and should look as if it has been through the decades – scars of the times it has seen.  Similar to my scars, although my scars are merely paper cuts and household accidents – thankfully.

I’m the first to admit that I have absolutely no clue about mechanics, but I have a very keen mechanic and he just send me a friend request on Facebook.  Not sure if that’s a good thing.  And, he just upgraded his counter in the shop too.  We are tight mates, especially when I need more work done – he’s my car’s plastic surgeon.  Hell, we live in the US where plastic surgery is a normality.

I’ve had the Beast for over a year now, but it’s only now that I’m starting to learn about it’s little peculiarities;

• I have to gentle hit the gas pedal twice to successfully wake it up from a long night in the garage, just like I need a kick in the arse to get out of bed.
• I drool at night, I’ve been told, and my car leaks a little oil
• It has its moments where certain electrical components don’t work as designed or not at all;
  • the other day the windshield wipers wouldn’t stop, despite being turned off, which resulted in me driving around the area in sunshine, with the wipers on!
  • Speedometer works at times, but it’s more like in sporadic moments of joy.  It tends to show the sped only when I go beyond 40mph!
  • I hit the sprinkler to clean off some bird pooh, only for the sprinkler to continuous spray the windshield for 5 minutes.  It would’ve been ok if it wasn’t for the freezing temperatures which then made my windshield freeze up.
  • Headlights (passenger side) is on/off at will.  I then knock the glass and its back on!
  • Driver’s side power windows (US version for electrical windows) works most of the time.  However, some days when it’s nice and hot outside, it decides to not work!
• I goes through a few cans of oil a month.  If I forget I can suddenly hear the engine grind at me.  I then feed the Beast again and it purrs like a large cat again.

It’s because all these cool features that I love my Beast and feel cool driving it.  It’s not just because it has an awesome 6L v8 engine and there’s no other similar car in a 20mph vicinity.

The local tree-huggers are not too keen on my mean machine.  It has probably something to do with the amount of smoke trails it leaves behind us, when we go 25mph as nature passes by.  Greenpeace is warned me that they might start a campaign to ban my car, but I support the 2nd amendment … it’s my green card right to drive arms!

Even the local sheriff has a personal interest in my car.  Not a week goes by when I don’t get some sort of police escort home, making sure I get home safely.  Personally I think it’s because they love the car too and envy me, but others might think it’s because of the appearance and it doesn’t fit into the community – I feel ousted at times, just like in Footloose … well, without the dancing and religion bits.

A trend has happened in our local community and at work.  There has been an “explosion” of vintage cars.  The word “explosion” is obviously used to explain the huge increase of old cars, just in case NRA, CIA or FBI are monitoring my blog and have flagged the word.

Is it because of me and me rebellious ways of driving an old banger – absolutely.

Now, I’m off to the garage to get a few leaks fixed.  I love my car – there, I said it!